Saturday

After spending time with mum and some spectacular insults from her I needed air and peace. I headed to the harbour for that. I sat listening to the sea, birds, whistling of the boats and smelling the harbour smells. Then it changed to noticing how high the water was and I could quite easily just walk into it and let it take me away. Could feel the change in me, getting agitated, intrusive thoughts and the urge to get in the water was really overwhelming. I moved away and walked home.  
I didn't expect that to happen and it has made me more angry as I thought I was doing a good thing and learning to use these skills I have learnt,  distracting myself from going home and self harming after seeing mum  .