The Ingredients

I remember a conversation shortly after we were married. We talked about the simple fact that, before we were married, we had lived to fulfill our own dreams and had developed our own ideals about what life, love and marriage were all about. We agreed that, until we could each set our own notions of what would make us happy aside, and pursue that which would make the other happy, we would struggle with our relationship. We agreed to pursue patience and kindness, to ask God for insight and wisdom, and to recognize each other as more important than ourselves. "You are me" he says, when I drop the ball or feel like I've let him down. He picks up the ball and recognizes that he has a chance to complete a task I forgot or just help me when I can't put the pieces of a crazy day together, thus making "us successful" instead of proving that he's better than I am. He graciously lets me do the same when I notice he isn't able to complete a task or follow through on something he said he'd do, he lets me complete him.

He works hard, he builds stuff and does things I don't know how to do. He struggles against the odds when something doesn't go together easily, but he stops when I arrive, and makes me feel so important. He's grateful for me, he knows that life and love aren't to be taken lightly, or for granted, he values me. He's learning not to fear my opinion, but to value it. I'm learning not to fear his, but to welcome it. We're learning that we, are us. I am only as good as he is and he is only as good as I am.

Warm evening sunlight is dreary in a loveless world, but brilliant where kindness and love abound. All the money in the world can't buy the feeling I had when he paused, sweat on his brow, to let me take his picture from across the yard.