Turn Left for a Forest Walk, Right for Kilimanjaro

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it” is a quote from one of my all-time favourite films, Ferris Bueller's Day Off starring Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck and Charlie Sheen.

I mention this quote, as September just seems to be full of Kiltwalks and although I’m not involved in the day to day organisation, there are three weekends in September taken up by Kiltwalks in Speyside, Aberdeen and Angus. So this weekend I decided to try and take some Kiltwalk “time out” by taking in a concert on Friday night and an overnight stay at Loch Lomond, on Saturday, as a way of enjoying some “non Kiltwalk time”.

So that was the plan, a relaxing Kiltwalk free weekend, the question is, how did I get on?

Let’s start with Friday night, which was to be an intimate Deacon Blue gig at the famous King Tut’s in Glasgow and as we pulled up outside the venue it felt very much like “Raintown” as the streets were being battered, by typical Glasgow rain. So it was kick open the taxi door and make a bee line for the entrance, as fast as you can.

Once inside it took all of three minutes to see the instantly recognisable figure of Wilma Duff, instantly recognisable that is as she always has a drink in her hand. As we then shimmied over to hook up with Wilma, I then saw Fiona MacFarlane, who I met for the first time at the Speyside Kiltwalk last week and completely forgot she was also a huge Deacon Blue fan, so there were now five Kiltwalkers in total, all sporting their Kiltwalk wrist bands with pride. So by the end of the gig, The Kiltwalk were definitely leading 1-0 as it was half past two before we got home.

Saturday started slowly, and Jan and I stocked up with magazines, books, Irn Bru and chocolate before heading to Balmaha in Loch Lomond, where we had booked to stay at the excellent Oak Tree Inn.

As we walked through the door, we were greeted not this time with a Kiltwalker, by with a wall of Kiltwalk Beer, which I guess shouldn’t have been a surprise as it is The Balmaha Brewing Company who brew the Light Blonde Ale for us, but it was still a surprise to see it, albeit a welcome one.

The food in the Oak Tree is really wholesome, feel good food and had to stop ourselves heading straight for dinner, however we felt we should earn it first by going a short walk.

We therefore headed off towards the Visitors Centre to find out where we could find this “short” walk, however it had just closed, so ventured towards the Loch Lomond Forest on our own in the hope that we’d find some form of route.

It was as we approached I noticed the all familiar sign of the Forestry Commission Scotland with a map and blurb below, which I “scanned” in typically male fashion and announced that the “post” you can see pictured above, with arrows pointing “left” or “right”, merely indicated it was a “circular” route, so it didn’t matter which direction we headed off in. So I picked the “right” arrow and off we marched.

Now for anyone who knows Jan, you’ll know that despite taking part in the 13 mile Kiltwalk this year, she is most definitely not a “walker” particularly when it’s a walk where you can’t peer into people’s front rooms. Therefore, when the rain came on five minutes in, Jan was all for turning back as we weren’t decked out for a walk, never mind a walk in the rain, and she did have a point.

However, with plenty of tree cover, she grudgingly agreed to stay under a tree to see if the rain went off, which it did, so we carried on our trek.

Now I’m not the brightest spark when it comes to “noticing things”, however I did start to notice that everyone we came across were “coming the other way”, but didn’t think too much of it at that point.

That thought changed when, after a few increasingly steep inclines, we saw what looked like steps leading up to an Aztec Temple, which went on so far that we couldn’t see where they ended as they faded into the distance, which brought immediate concerns from Jan about my “ability” to read a sign properly.

I, as you would expect, refuted such remarks, however as I glanced at my watch I realised we had been walking for nearly an hour, and with no end in sight to what was supposed to be a 45 minute walk, I did start to doubt myself.

My doubts became a reality at the point we “plateaued” at what was now clearly the end of the beginning of the climb up the Conic Hill, or as I later found out was the “false summit” you reach before a short descent and the final climb to the “true summit”.

Turns out the people who had been walking towards us were completing the first part of the West Highland Way, who must have thought we were a pair of nutcases, so smiled at us politely as they passed.

I have to say that although Jan was intent on calling me all the names under the sun, and to be honest I never knew there were so many names, I enjoyed every minute of it.

Our 1-mile walk turned out to be a 2.5 mile hike, which saw us ascend to 350 metres above sea level and took us around two and a half hours, rather than 45 minutes.

Let’s just say that as soon as we stepped back into the Oak Tree we were more than ready for our meal and what a meal it was too. Cullen Skink that hit every taste bud as it hit your pallet to start with, locally caught Haggis cooked just the way I like it and covered in a marvelous whisky sauce and although I had no room left, I had to have the home made Clootie Dumpling, which was as good as I’d hoped it would be.

Breakfast was something I thought I’d never manage after the previous evenings meal, however manage it I did and even managed several rounds of toast before heading home via the Village Shop to pick up? Well a dozen bottles of Kiltwalk Beer of course.

I’ve visited the Oak Tree several times and enjoyed their hospitality and food, however this was the first time I’d stayed and if there’s anyone out there who fancies a wee weekend break which is close enough to get to, but far enough to feel a million miles away, I’d recommend the Oak Tree.

I do however have a warning.

If you’re heading towards the forest, READ the sign carefully because when you arrive at “that post” then turning left leads you on a leisurely forest walk, while turning right leads you to what feels like Kilimanjaro.