On the Dock

Not In the Dock which so many well known people seem to be at the moment. I have tried paying the press to write something scandalous about me but they don't seem to be interested.

I have even given them my mobile phone number but my friends say that the messages they have left are still there - not deleted. I have rung up The Times and told them about the pencil I nicked from the stationary cupboard when I was in my first job, but they weren't interested.

Its outrageous. I shall just have to carry on living in anonymity and sit on the dock in the sunshine.