Chip Off The Old Block

Do you yearn after yesterday's yumminess? Are you tired of cold and greasy chip-shop offerings? Do oven chips leave you cold? Here's the answer you've all been waiting for. Today's technology (Google) takes you back to lovely chippies just like mother used to make.
My mum cooked fantastic chips - but there were serious health and safety issues surrounding her culinary delicacies. Not only did she follow the 'blue haze' method, whereby the pan had to be seconds away from bursting into flames before she immersed the chips, but she also had a truly innovative method of timing her cooking. Quite simply, the chips were started at the beginning of the Six O'Clock News and removed from the pan when it was over. During this time, she would sit in her comfy chair in the lounge and watch what had been going on in the world.
Well - now you can have old fashioned chips with safety and confidence, thanks to this new electric fryer which relies on open cooking (no lid) to give you the chips you truly deserve. Fill it with oil, switch it on and the light goes out in about 7 minutes when the oil is hot. Immerse chips in basket and cook for about five minutes. Job done. By the way - another Google hint - I use frozen oven chips as they're ready blanched.
Can't tell you the make of the fryer but it rhymes with Neville. £22. Far better than all those expensive products.
PS If any health professionals are reading this, we only have them once a week.