The definition of success

A runner bean seedling grown from last year's beans.

Kevin the earwig might eat this one in the greenhouse tonight. Who knows? (I don't think so, he's too busy decimating the brasicas) But I have plenty more where that came from.

Growing stuff from stuff for free is just so fab. I totally love it, and have to admit this discovery lifted me out of a bit of a bad state today.

I had to apologise to Tess at bedtime tonight. I said I'm sorry I'm so stressed but hopefully it will all be over in a few days. She was very forgiving and immediately started singing but that doesn't make it alright.

My anxiety cleaned the inside of the cooker today, and dealt with a big old heap of recycling and mess. It cleaned the dog's basket and floor mats, vacuumed and washed a floor, watered the seeds, did 3 loads of washing, changed the sheets and loaded the dishwasher. It made lunch and dinner and cleaned the kitchen cupboards. Good old anxiety kept me very busy all day.
It didn't, however, do anything nice or creative or fun. It didn't take any photos or go for a nice walk or do yoga or spend quality time with the kids. It didn't sit down, it didn't make conversation and it didn't play or listen to music.

I like short spurts of anxiety that make me clean the loos and tidy the hall before a guest turns up but this soul-destroying, personality-crippling driven anxiety is no good for anyone - especially not my children.

In 2 days this will all be over and I will be suffering the fall-out from my Asperger's assessment - whatever the result of that - I know I will come crashing down, I always do. Hopefully, if nothing else, I will get a break from this weird need to eat lots of crunchy food every night. It's been really strange. Its like an extension of biting my nails.

Gemma flew to Edinburgh last night to visit a good friend whom she's known since primary school. It sounds like they're having a good time.

I'm feeling really tired but hyperactive. How is that possible?

Anyway: growing stuff. Brill.