Tumults

How still and peaceful is the grave!
where life's vain tumults past
Th'appointed house by Heav'n's decree
receives us all at last

Basically, it's great now you're dead cos you're in heaven which is a really top place which has all the good people and fizzy cola bottles and giant lakes made out of beer.

I may have made that last bit up.

It's something I've always wondered about the sombre and depressed atmosphere of a traditional funeral (meaning the actual service, rather than the wake). If you truly believe, and you believe that the person who has died has lead a good life and will be accepted into heaven (putting the 'all' in the last line of the verse a little out of place), then you should be happy that they've left life's vain tumults behind. Of course that doesn't stop you being sad for yourself and missing someone. But seriously, when I depart this mortal plane I don't want anyone wearing black to see me off.

Anth's top tip of the day: Clothes shops, don't alienate a portion of your clientele by only applying the additional 50% savings to one sex-demographic (unless, of course, you're admitting that prices for that sex are over-inflated to a greater degree than the other); and secondly, pumping out loud music into the basement area that clothing for my sex is always shunted into is less likely to make me browse your collection of jeans, but make me more likely to grab a coathanger and stab the nearest member of staff through the heart with it.

p.s. jeans with the crotch half way down the leg are made no more sensible by calling them 'carrot top cut' - please do not encourage people to look so silly. Or turn them into an easy IQ test by printing 'moron' across the seat.