A Christmas Tradition.

When the children were little I started our own Christmas tradition. Every year the children were allowed to choose a decoration for the Christmas Tree. Christian,s always were large and outrageous, whereas Alexandra's were always more traditional.

This year as Christian isn't here we wanted to find ones with their names on, needless to say I couldn't find his, but he always was a very Special Son.

I've gone ahead and put up some of the decorations, mostly because Christian used to love Christmas, but it also kept me occupied.

Reality is kicking in more and more everyday.

We had to cut up his bank cards and credit cards, after we closed his bank account.

We've cancelled his mobile phone and after a week the number no longer works.

We are in the process of selling his car.

We have to change our wills and Alexandra has to change hers.

It's getting harder every day.

The strain is beginning to tell on all of us. Alexandra accidently broke a Christmas decoration, floods of tears ensued. I was in a card shop today, and everywhere I looked, I saw, Merry Christmas Son, or Happy Christmas Brother. The tears welled up again.

None of us want to go back to work, but my husband especially is finding it hard, even considering it.

Somedays it feels like he's in hospital and he'll be home soon, and then we go to see his grave, and reality hits home again.

To all the people who have made comments recently I thank you for your kind thoughts. And to all the other blippers out there who have lost children, I know you understand our pain.