I'm a Loser (and that's official)

I had been feeling down for so long that I finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
I went there, layed on the couch, told him everything then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make me feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

Lost (or more probably misplaced) my work mobile at some point last weekend. Hunted high and low. Had to report it to get a reference number for work.