Setting the bar high.

I do apologise for my absence the last week or so. Things have been rough, but I'm getting there. And thank you to those of you who have sent best wishes to me. It really is very touching knowing that while you may not know me, you can empathise/sympathise, and take the time to offer love, support, and a little pick-me-up. I cannot thank you enough.

In my little hiatus, I had to deal with a lot of things. But, to quote The Beatles, I get by with a little help from my friends. For the most part I have been immensely anti-social, but have put on the brave face, swallowed my pride, and accepted help from those around me. I also had to provide a lot of emotional support for the boyfriend, also experiencing something of hell the last week. I've been strong for him being strong for me being strong for him being strong for me... As a result, I believe we've grown stronger.

Well. I believed that to be the case before this morning. After this morning, I KNOW we are stronger, and much closer.

See, he's been a little secretive about a few things. Okay, that's cool. I trust him. I expect him to allow me my secretive moments, it's only fair I bestow upon him that same grace.
Sitting together, talking, he was very jittery - fidgeting relentlessly, stumbling on his words, losing focus. I figured the week of very little sleep was finally catching up to him, or he'd already consumed WAY too much coffee.
I was wrong. So very wrong.
I was rambling on about... Something... Probably mindless, sleep-deprived drivel. He takes a small box out of his pocket, and gestures "shush" at me. Rude. He has a habit of buying me earrings, new nose studs, little things like that. So I thought little of it... Until he opened the box. A remarkable ring.
"Nothing about us is traditional. So this is not technically an engagement ring, because I am technically not proposing. You will know when the time is right for us to make a public declaration. I want you to wear this until that day."
Cue tears, and a bunch of nonsensical vocal noises... And I imagine men everywhere will hate him for setting the bar so high for a non-engagement.

Black pearl. 18 ct white gold. A whole lot of diamond. At no point have I ever felt deserving of something so stunning. But for the first time in my 24 years, someone else does. A man who has seen every scar, every flaw, every screwed up thought in my mind. He's not scared. He's not running. He's staying firmly put. He's wanting to grow old with me, having grown up with me.

I still don't feel deserving. But I sure do feel very loved, and very special. And I finally feel like I belong to someone. With someone. And he with me.

"I've been having dreams and visions.
In them you are always standing right beside me.
I reach out for your hand to see your arms extending
Outstretched towards me.
With you I am revealed;
All my shame all my faults and virtues.
Behold body mind and spirit,
Heart and soul devoted all to you."
~ Wedding Song - Tracy Chapman