Dragged through the mud

If anyone wishes to find my emotional state for any reason, I think it's new postal address is as follows:
Katherine's Emotional State
Hell
Down Below
C/o Satan.

I'm at a point of wondering what the hell else can go wrong... I mean... Really. WHAT ELSE?!

For those of you who have read older journals, you'd be aware that I am still dealing with the emotional and physical injuries caused by a car accident in April 2009, where not only was I very hurt, I very nearly took the lives of my then 17 year old brother and his girlfriend, the day before her 16th birthday.

Well, guess who was in another car accident today.

This time, I wasn't driving. So I saw it all play out. And I couldn't do anything. Except freak the hell out, with "shitshitshitshitshit... I'mgonnadie... I'mgonnaf**kingdie" running through my head, and exiting my mouth at volume.
Sitting at an intersection. Turning lane. Red arrow. Green for everything continuing straight ahead. The boyfriend is creeping forward a little, knowing we're about to lose the red arrow. Truck (fully laden) comes up behind us. Doesn't stop. Low speed when impact happened, but trucks have a LOT of momentum. We were pushed into the intersection, spun around, and narrowly avoided being T-boned by a 4WD on my side.
If The Boyfriend didn't drive a 4WD, too, the outcome would have been much worse... For us. For other drivers. For the truck driver.

I feel for the truck driver. He'd been on the road for 15 hours, was incredibly fatigued, and as a result, his reaction times were lagging. We're not going to press charges against him. He's about to be dragged through the mud (metaphotically), because trucking companies push their drivers too hard, and expect them to do long-haul drives on very little sleep. It's not the individual's fault. We may well take on the company though.

One day, ONE DAY, shit will stop going wrong, I'll get a break. I'll pick myself up out of the mud I've been dragged through for so long... And I'll be fine again.

"I am aware now of how
Everything's gonna be fine, one day.
Too late, I'm in hell."
~ Fine Again - Seether