Stockings, Tights or Hold-ups?

I have been a fan of each at some point in my life.

Stockings?
Now, they are a whole subject in their own right, so will be placed to the back of the drawers for the time being.

Tights?
Tights were invented purely for me, along with the mini skirt, they went hand in glove, leg in tight so to speak. I remember my first pair: Medium (size) Melon (colour) .
They were my birthday present from my parents, can you imagine that today in these times of hardship and austerity?

One of the problems with tights apart from their cost was their dislike of wooden school furniture. Ladders. We employed various methods of control, that included darning and rubbing a bar of soap across the ladder. The main one however was nail varnish. Frances R always had a bottle of clear in her desk. I had none.
My mum only had a bottle of scarlet varnish, I must have gone to school with a severe case of chicken-pox like blotches on my tight covered legs most days of the week.

Then we came up with the perfect solution. Buy two pairs of tights, the same colour, when one leg is laddered on each pair, cut the damaged leg off each and hey presto! Wear both pairs each with the one remaining leg.
Throughout the day there would be tingling and tickling sensations round the nether regions as huge ladders formed in the nylon, and occasionally there would be a catastrophic failure of the technology.

Hold ups?
Hold-ups are retro invention to counteract the increase of thrush and other dodgyness due to the warm and humid environment created by tight wearing.
Non of the glamour of stockings - in my opinion, but a good option when wearing close fitting clothes, as suspender belts tend to show as dents in excess flesh.
So, there I was walking along the high street, on my way to an interview, when all of a sudden there was a slight sinking feeling - on the left thigh. A little further there was a twitching feeling on the right leg. I walked on trying to keep my knees together, to no avail.
I stopped in a shop doorway, hoiked both hold-ups back up, they felt secure, so walked on.
Without warning, the right one fell straight down round my ankle, followed swiftly by the left. I attened the interview with bare legs having taken the offending garments off just outside the front door of the company.
I didn't get the job.
I have never worn hold ups since.


Him: If I'd known you were a virgin I'd have taken more time.
Her: If I'd known you had more time, I'd have taken my tights off.