two steps back.

had a much needed therapy session with a friend tonight. how did he know that was exactly what i needed to hear/ask myself/confront/change?
i'm still kind of reeling from it all -- in a good way. in a, shit-liz,-why-didn't-you-already-grasp-that-? sort of way.
put some things into perspective. and then put some other things into a different perspective. basically have to change the way i think about love, happiness, my future, drives, motivators.... and put them into terms that i can live with so that they don't live without me (or instead of me), somewhere far, far away.

it's not the end of figuring it out. there are a lot of things i've been keeping to myself, but it explains so much why i feel the way i do a lot of the time. i need to do something about that. what i've been dealing with for the past few weeks (slash years and years) is absolute proof of that. what better time to start than right now?
i place too much of an importance on some things that, at the time, seem completely and absolutely necessary to my happiness, when, in reality, they are just more ways to be let down. i ignore other things completely even if they do have validity in reality. i kind of have to be vague about this.. it's very personal and this is not such a personal forum. later i'll know what i'm talking about. (right, liz? you do know what you're alluding to, don't you?)

there are a lot more questions that i have to delve deeper with. but i'd rather make things happen than let things happen.

self aware. she's becoming self aware.