Coffee

At last, at 1pm, I got my first fix of caffeine for the day.

Charley was asleep in the wrap still having been there since 10.30am when we finally got our act together to go out to Little Fishes across the road. I had a crumpet and jam and some chocolate brownie bites with my coffee. Ben stole one of the brownie bites. But at least he ate it, and the crumpet I presented him with.

Both boys are poorly today. I should say, all three boys are poorly - Steve is too. Charley is coughing and sounding rough, Ben must be feeling dreadful, all he wants is cuddles with me. I'm just reacting to stuff, lurching from crisis to crisis, from crying child to crying child. Occasionally - very - I managed to stop both of them crying at the same time. They were precious moments. Charley won't / can't be put down at the moment, he is sick almost immediately and if he's asleep when you put him down he wakes up instantly - he has tummy ache from swallowing too much air, and I'm sure he has a sore throat which is causing him to swallow all that air. It's not even when he's feeding, it's when he's resting on my shoulder after feeding.

I feel so guilty for being short with Ben. All he wants is cuddles because he's feeling poorly as well, but because I can't NOT deal with Charley, Ben has to wait almost all of the time and it's making him really disruptive and attentionseeking.

I had both boys on me at one point, Charley snuggled up asleep on my chest and Ben cuddled in close nursing, and found this blog post called "when parenting means steering into the skid" and it struck home to me SO much, how I need to slow down. Life is going way too fast for me let alone Ben and it's no wonder he feels like things are out of control - and he's just reacting to it, and I'm reacting to him, and things are spinning ever more out of control. The more I can sit down with both of them and just be with them, especially while we're all poorly and under the weather, the better. To make sure that the connection between us stays strong, that the attachment and grounding is strong and firm.

Ahhh. It was good to read. I cried as well.

It's been a difficult day even though we did get out this morning. The afternoon has dragged interminably. We have done nothing. Not even watched a film together. I hung some laundry out when Charley was asleep in the wrap again and Ben was playing in his room next to where I was working, but that's the extent of it. Of course Ben can't have cuddles when Charley's in the wrap.

At least I'm not having to cook dinners this week - and for that I am SO grateful.

Another day tomorrow. Here's hoping for a better night tonight.