When Things Aren't Quite Right

...any more.

As an Innkeeper, I never see the side of life that happens when things begin to change. Guests come and go and they are having the time of their lives, loving every minute.

In my day job, however, I see change. People call asking for help because someone in their lives, due to physical or cognitive changes, can not continue to live the way they are used to living, and they must embrace change. Sometimes due to injury or disease, and other times, age related dementia, life simply can not be maintained unless someone steps up to the plate and begins batting.

If a change in living situation is necessary, children will often second guess themselves and begin to doubt and fear that they are doing the wrong thing by encouraging and supporting relocation. When home has begun to look like a foreign land and nothing is quite right, even though the basic shapes and patterns are there, but everything is just different some how, it seems obvious, yet we still wonder if we will cause a greater decline if we embrace change.

For this reason, so many people hold on to what is familiar until the very last possible moment. Completely understandable.

The bit that must be remembered always is that, unless things were already askew, no one would even be talking about change. The actions taken to cope with changes didn't cause the decline, they were in response to it. You know the old saying, "once he/she entered a care center, he/she went down hill so fast". That makes us all blame the sharp decline on the fact that a care center was chosen, forgetting that nothing would have changed if change wasn't already requiring action.

People often don't have a swift decline because they break a hip, for example, they break a hip because something is causing a decline and they become vulnerable to falls and their bones are weak.

I just say that to remind every son, daughter, niece, nephew, grandson, granddaughter who reads my blips that if/when the time comes that you have to help others make choices they are no longer capable of making themselves, please try to remember that you would never be doing that if it wasn't necessary and that you didn't cause their decline...rather, their decline caused you to act.

Just had to say that. Have worked with so many broken hearted families who beat themselves up when they are loving the very best way they know how. Not every one is capable of caring for someone in their own home. Every situation is unique and we need more cheering sections in this world...we need to shout "yay you!" just a little more often...even when things are not perfect.

Now that I've said that, I'll say that we are still working to get Mother Comfort home but, honestly, she seems to know that she is no longer capable of being even close to independent. She firmly told me recently that she is not improving enough to be on her own. She's afraid, and she's excited about going home...all at the same time. We're going to cheer her on, we're going to cheer each other on, and we're going to invite you to cheer us on as well. We are going to remember that success was in every moment that we loved well, laughed well and lived well. We are not going to hang our hopes on the final act. We will love her every day we have her and we will calm her fears, but if we can not stop her decline, we simply can't and that will be OK. It means nothing more than that. We will shout for joy if she is pleasantly surprised and going home works well.

Just for fun, yesterday's blip wasn't a reflection. It was a photo taken in a topsy turvy sort of way, then turned upside down. It seems perfect for life just now.
Thanks, everyone, for the fun you help me have along the way.

We meet with the gutter guys tomorrow. One step closer to getting Mother Comfort home...even if it were only for a day, it would be worth the trying.