And the answer was NO!

I have written before about how I love the word YES. Well, yesterday I learnt how to love the word NO.

Yesterday started like every other day. We got up early and rushed around like maniacs getting ready for school, making school lunches, preparing breakfast, writing various notes, finding lost ties and a clean shirt, doing hair, and making the school drop off on time. After the school run I rushed home again to do some major on-line banking for the new house. So far so good, and I congratulated myself on remembering various passwords and fitting this extra step into my organised crazy routine! Just before I left for work I chatted to the lovely Louise on text and we swapped the bullet points of our day. We were both doing various Christmassy things: her at home in the company of Mr Buble, me at work... it was all good! I was ready to leave the house five minutes early, I went to shut down the computer and posted a sign on my Facebook wall that said "Today is going to be bloody a-maz-ing! I love todays". Good, positive thought for the day...and off I drove.

Half way to work my world lurched as I started to cough and my hand came away from my mouth full of blood. I have been in situations like this only twice before that I can remember. Something so shocking happens to you, something so alarming and unexpected, that everything slows down. I imagine it is some sort of survival technique that allows us to concentrate, not freak out, and take some kind of action. I have discovered that in situations like this that I immediately become two people. One of me is allowed to cry and be a baby, and the other stays perfectly calm and directs the wobbly me as to what to do next. The calm me made the blubbing idiot pull the car onto the verge and phone my husband, who I knew was in a meeting, who I knew would not be able to answer the call, but who I rang anyway. At this point blubbing me tells calm me she is not so bloody clever after all and that she shall just go to work now and everything will be fine. A mini miracle ensued and there was a parking directly outside.

At this point I will spare you all the faff but I landed up first at the GP and then in the hospital getting tested for all sorts of nasty stuff.

About four hours later the lovely doctor and consultant had finished all their tests and conferring and came over to talk to me. I was told there was good news and bad news. (Calm me grabbed blubby me by the hair and said if she cried one more time there was going to be trouble!)

And this is what we were told. "The good news is we were worried that this episode may have been caused by one of three things: So we asked ourselves does she have an infection? And the answer is NO. Does she have cancer? And the answer is NO. Does she have a pulmonary embolism? And the answer is NO. The bad news is we do not know what caused this to happen, and we may never know"

And there it was. I learnt to love the word NO; Right there in the hospital in my less than glamorous hospital gown it was the best word I had ever heard. I was only too happy to take their bad news, get dressed and go home, because I could!

So that was it, almost my entire day was spent in the Cheltenham A and E and considering the circumstances I was quite happy to be there. The nurse, doctor and consultant who treated me were kind and gentle and made me feel very reassured and I knew I was in safe hands. The X-ray and CT scan staff were equally lovely. The NHS worked brilliantly yesterday and I knew beyond a doubt that I got better treatment than I would have in many, many other countries,

The other thing I learnt yesterday, as if I hadn't learnt enough for one day, was how many people will help you when you need it. I am so thankful to Gary for a big hug, Helen for sitting with me and holding my hand and driving me to A and E, Duncan for dropping everything and coming to the hospital, Karen for looking after my baby girl, and Justin, Kerry and Amy for standing by in case more help was needed.

We often wonder why? Why things happen. Why good things happen to bad people, why bad things happen to good people. I don't believe in coincidence. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Just because we don't understand the reason at the time, does not mean there is no reason. It also doesn't mean we need to know the reason, as long as we learn something from what happens and go forward better people, or better equipped people. Two days ago D had a blow out on his way back from work. He could have been badly injured or worse, but he wasn't. And again, people were on hand to help him. Sometimes I think we all get given a jolt. Sort of the universe's way of making us wake up and pay attention. Pay attention to what we have and who we have, and then it lets us get on with it. And sometimes the lessons we are given are not even for our account. They are to give other people a chance: a chance to learn through another's mistake so that they don't make the same one, or a bigger one; a chance to be helpful, a chance to love, a chance to forgive. Sometimes you have to be faced with the reality of losing to realise what you have.


And that was the story of my self fulfilling prophecy...It was a bloody A-maz-ing day! I am very grateful for the NHS, for fantastic family and friends, for good health, and for learning that sometimes No, is the very best word you can hear.