My day today...

...I left Popeye asleep on my bed at 8 am this morning. I had a long trip to the hospital, and I needed to get there early so I could park my car where I needed to so I could get the mobility scooter out of the boot easily.

But when I arrived, the parking space I wanted was gone, so I had to park further away from the hospital. But I have my new mobility scooter so I was hoping there would be enough juice in the battery to last out the day (there never has been in any other scooter I have had, but this mobility scooter lasted me all day brilliantly).

But my appointment wasn't until one pm, and I had nearly 4 hours to myself. There was a few things I was going to do. But the first thing was T.J.Hughes, and there were people waiting outside with notices on the store doors saying 'sorry we will open ASAP'. I had planned on having breakfast there.

I went and did a bit of shopping somewhere else, but when I came back an hour later, people were still waiting outside. At this point I just had one badge on. The yellow one in the collage. But no one in the shops I went in appeared to notice it, and neither did the people I talked to waiting in front of T.J.Hughes. By this time the consensus of opinion was T.J.Hughes was in financial trouble again. To be honest I had never seen it so dilapidated.

But then someone worried me and said she had seen lots of staff standing outside the hospital I was going to. She thought there was a walk out. So I am thinking oh no, it would be on the day of my appointment. So I set off in that direction, but there was no one outside the hospital, it looked business as usual.

But I was too early still so sat over the road having a coffee. You can see in the collage. By this time I decide just the 'I'm deaf I lipread badge' is not enough on its own. No one appeared to notice it, and it made. No difference to any interactions for me.

It's nearly time to go over the road for my appointment, so I put a second badge on (I still hadn't decided whether to put all three on or not). So I put the one with 2 faces either side saying 'Please FACE ME so I can LIPREAD'. That made an immediate difference, even to passer-bys. They looked at it. The collage pic is me sitting down waiting and I took a selfie of the badges.

When i went into the hospital, the foyer area was full of different stalls. That has never been there before. One was a complete fruit and veg stall, and the woman noticed my badges when I bought something and kept facing me when speaking to me. So this was good.

On another stall with crystals and all kinds of interesting stuff where I bought crystals and bracelets and rock salt lamp and scarves, both stall holders took note of my badges and their attitude was very positive and helpful, the badges made a difference.

They have changed the system again in the hospital. Reception is back, and there was no using your appointment letter to scan in. Also there are no hospital files any more. There are just slim green file envelopes with your name etc on and nothing inside. So the doctor can't see your previous history, and literally questions you from scratch again. So my previous info on front of me being deaf is not on there any more, and can't be because the contents are filed somewhere after the appointment and the slim green files reused. So I gave the guy at reception my piece of paper and asked him to put it on the front to explain I was deaf and wouldn't hear being called. He didn't notice my badges and I don't know what he did with my piece of paper explaining my deafness because it wasn't on the green file when someone called my name. I was looking for it on the green folder they held when they called your name.

I was sitting next to a group of people who were signing, so I couldn't exactly ask them to listen for my name being called. And on the other side of me was a blind man with a beautiful Labrador guide dog and he was having problems. When he went to reception it was a member of the public that had led him there, so she left. The guy at reception was just as clueless with the blind guy as he was with me. Absolutely no understanding. The blind man, and it was patently obvious he could not see or recognise anything, asked the reception guy where were there seats he could sit on. The reception guy waved his hand and said 'over there'. I was shocked almost beyond belief. The blind man said to his guide dog, 'Find the seats'. So I got up and gave some exact verbal directions to the blind man. I didn't know if I was being helpful in any way. I think I was. And then later in the afternoon I had to go to the blind man's aid again. He had finished his appointment and was unable to find the reception desk to give in his notes. I suppose logic tells you even a guide dog will be unable to locate a reception desk.

In the meantime people are being called in. I am waving the piece of paper with my name on every time I don't see someone get up in response to a name. But it's not me. Finally a very dour faced nurse is standing there sternly and I wave my piece of paper again. And it is me this time.

I had several sessions of being seen to and then having to wait in the waiting area again for my name to be called again. By mid afternoon the nurses calling names did know my name and who I was!

Some nurses were really good and responded to the badges. Other nurses did not, they looked totally fed up with being there. On balance though, more people in the hospital responded to the badges and made allowances, than didn't. The badges were a success, and made the afternoon far more successful and easier for me.

The doctor I saw responded well to the badges and made allowances.

He examined my eyes far more than they usually get examined. And then I got sent for some tests. Back again to see doctor. He explained some stuff. Then I was sent for some photos. Back again to see doctor. Then another doctor was called in, the big man, the specialist. He explains some stuff, he examines my eyes too. Says I have to be sent for a field test. I had to wait an hour and half for that. Then come back to see doctor.

Finally he explains that the liquid behind my iris and retina is not as much as it should be, and my retina is close to the iris. I think I have got this right. He thinks I should have headaches, but I don't. He thinks I should have pain in my eyes, but I don't. I don't have high pressure in my eyes, the doctor said that, but because of that reduction of liquid it is possible. But I have my eyes checked yearly at the opticians and there has never been any high pressure there.

I don't have glaucoma, the doctor said that. And I don't have cataracts, the doctor said that. But as a precautionary measure since I have diabetes he want me to either have laser treatment which punctures two holes in my iris so that I don't get acute angle glaucoma (I think it was he said). Or he wants me to have the cataract operation on both eyes as a precautionary measure for this possible high pressure, which he says I have no signs of. And I have no cataracts either, he said. He wanted me to go for the cataracts operation. But he cannot look me in the face while he is telling me all this. That was painfully obvious.

The main eye specialist is not there for him to ask, so he asks another person superior to him. And this person says the laser treatment with two holes in each iris is the option to go for. But he wasn't happy with that. However he has booked me in for that operation in 6 to 8 weeks. And in the meantime he is going to confer with the main eye specialist, who he says may say the cataract option, or maybe even adopt the wait and see option.

I said I was happier with the wait and see option because I don't have a problem at the moment, I don't have any physical symptoms for high pressure. Even the doctor said that, but he wants to do one of these procedures as a preventative option. If I have the laser one first, and i need the cataracts one later, then it can cause some eyesight problems. It bothered me he couldn't look me in the eyes or my face as he was telling me this.

I am not happy. This has come out of the blue. I have had very dry eyes for many years, since the 1970's I think, and it was diagnosed as Sjogrens Syndrome in the 1990's. None of these proposed procedures is going to help my dry eyes at all.

I have done some research tonight to see what options I have under the NHS. But it is late now and I didn't leave the hospital until 6pm, and got home for gone 7pm, and Popeye was still in my bed waiting for me to get home.

I don't think I am stressed or upset. Or is it shock? Maybe panic will set in tomorrow. Also I want a second opinion. I need to start that pretty immediately. Not sure how I go about that yet.

Been typing this with my eyes shut so I am resting them, and they have gel eyedrops in them. There may be typos but they can stay.

Tomorrow I will finish those deaf/lipread badges off. They do work. They do help. I think two badges are needed, depending on the situation. There will always be some people oblivious to other people's problems, but the badges give the more sensitive people a chance to be intuitive and responsive.

Thank you for all your help with the badges. And all your interactions. It made a heck of a difference today. I know i was on my own, but I didn't feel alone, and it was your advice and comments and help the last few days that gave me this confidence and assurance today.

Take care x