Summer’s here

The one good thing about summer is that it’s the longest time till I have to endure summer again. But when we are only in spring, I’m sweltering and have the whole of summer to come still, the doom feels real.

Part of the problem is having PoTS. That definitely makes me feel more faint and unwell in the heat. That’s probably the biggest issue but by no means the only one.

I hate having my skin exposed; clothes make me feel secure and safe! I object to having to shave my legs all the time, being sweaty and feeling the dirt on my feet. Insects also. Touching me. It’s not okay. Bites or not.

Of course another trouble that comes with summer is the hiding of scars. Especially with the PoTS situation, wearing long sleeves just isn’t really feasible. Make up only goes so far. I have an unpleasant scar on my knee which I try to get away with leaving uncovered. But, my goodness, the number of questions it attracts. I know I don’t really have anyone but myself to blame but it isn’t half stressful.

I’ve noticed that in the warmer weather this week, there’s been a lot more outdoor activity. I dislike the outdoors! Well, when it comes to going in the garden anyway, especially eating in the garden. I think it’s the insects and the dirt. And the exposure. The sound of laughter from a neighbouring garden the other day, filled me with dread. That season is already starting. The season where you don’t go to someone’s house, you go for a picnic. You don’t go to a coffee shop, there’s a group trip to the park. I’m sure it’s all more sociable but, as we all know, that is not me.

Dirt, discomfort, doom. That’s what summer is to me. Oh and massive long holidays where routine is broken and life gets empty.

Maybe it’s about time that I bring in today’s verse, Psalm 91:3.

‘Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.’

God’s got my back. Summer will happen and it might be horrible. But ultimately, God is not going to let me come to any eternal harm - which surely is the best thing.

I’ve felt scared a fair few times today for non-obvious reasons, so it’s been good to keep coming back to that verse.