One Tree Hill

I've now seen Oprah's interview with Lance Armstrong. There is another instalment to come tomorrow but enough has been said already to reflect on his admissions. There were no shocks last night. The only surprise in a way was that it wasn't quite the performance I was expecting. We have become so used to seeing Lance in complete control of any situation that there was an expectation that this would be the same, that it would be stage-managed down to every last gesture and, as many had predicted, last tear. That wasn't the case, but such is the skill of this man that I have a suspicion that I was still being manipulated, that it's possible that this was the perfect performance in the situation, the frankness and fragility we witnessed last night yet another link in the chain of lies.

I found myself not wanting to give room to that suspicion, desperate to believe everything that he said, that we were finally getting the full story, but I fear we are all still caught up in much the same web of deceit as before. Lance talked about momentum and I've always understood that. Once he made just a single step on this road of cheating there was an inexorable logic to everything that has happened since. Such is the inertia involved that I think it's now utterly impossible for him to be totally frank. I'm not sure he even understands the meaning of honesty and straightforwardness. You have to think that there is always a hidden agenda.

I'm going to hold final judgement until I see the the interview concluded tomorrow. For now, I'm most disappointed that he ducked out of talking about one particular episode involving Betsy Andreu and her testimony, going back to the time of his cancer in 1996, that Armstrong responded positively to a direct question from his doctor in respect to taking performance-enhancing drugs. I'm also disappointed that Oprah didn't push him harder on this one. Why would he not take that on? It seemed to trigger a defensiveness, a barrier to how much he could admit to us, or perhaps how much he could admit to himself. Over the years the distinction between truth and fabrication must have become so blurred as to be virtually non-existent. One could be charitable and suggest that he has simply lost sight of what actually happened. Or perhaps he was so ruthlessly self-serving that even now, given this opportunity to purge himself of his sins, he still cannot admit to the extent of his bullying and persecution of those that got in his way. I'd be interested to hear how other people felt after seeing the first interview.

Another better day at the office, with progress being made and a run at lunchtime to get out in the snow. We've had nothing like as much white stuff as they have down in the south but it started snowing again lightly this afternoon and it's still fluttering down as I write and settling quite prettily. I'm hoping to wake up in the morning to a winter wonderland. I'm really just a big kid at heart.