Bluest Blue

I had trouble sleeping last night. It is a long story but the gist is that I have been feeling out of sorts lately. The reason is that I'm feeling not quite on center in my life. I find that my time is getting snatched away from the things that matter most to me and attached to things that mean less. Can't blame anybody but me for this process. It is part of a subtle and slow erosion that happens when I stop paying close attention and refocusing my life on what most matters to me. Thanks to my art teacher assigning a new years task of focusing on what we want to do with our art, I've expanded to a much larger task of honing and refocusing my whole life.

I started by figuring out what my life is full of now. I listed things and put them in circles on a sheet of paper. This list included painting, photography, time with Arvin, time with family, time with friends, travel, sunshine, games, wildlife, music, being active. Next I grouped them and figured the connections between them. I added some things I'd missed like pets and birds, outreach, living space. Then I set it all on the back burner of my mind to simmer.

At three am last night it came to a boil and I got up and did more work. This time I created four lists: Yes/Keep, No/Get rid of, Cut back/limit, Add. This was really useful for me. I was able to identify some culprits that were pulling me off from my deepest loves. So they had to go.

First was the huge project that I said I'd do for the Festival of Music. It was not what I had actually signed up to do but a much huger project. So I wrote a note to all involved and resigned from the project. Second was a similar project for the Music Club. For that I clarified what I was willing to do and what I wasn't. I will help with the presentation but not preparing all the pictures and information to go with it. Those were two huge loads off my back. It was hard to do that as I felt embarrassed to quit but it had to happen.

The third major thing was to take action on some issues that were making it harder to maintain the loving family connections that I value so much. I wrote a letter and will mail it soon addressing these issues. Family means a great deal to me and I want to do my part to keep us in the lucky place we are. We all get along and love each other.

Finally there is Blip. (You knew I was coming here, didn't you?) I love it here. I plan to stay. I plan to take photographs most every day. What will change for me is making comments. Gradually I've spent more and more time commenting. I do love sharing journals with you all and giving and getting comments. But I need to back off a bit so I have more time for the things that were slowly falling out of my life. I need more time to paint. I want to exercise regularly. I want to spend more time and better time with Arvin. So to clear some time space, I'll be making less comments. And occasionally not posting a photo though that will be harder. That is a pretty ingrained habit these days and I do love the way it keeps me tuned into the visual world around me.

Sorry for the long post. But I wanted to share with all of you, my Blip buddies, what has been going on with me. Thanks for hanging in with me.

And about the photo, it is of course, one of our deck jays. Check out the "L" large version to see more feather detail.