Shadows

I was in a relatively good mood this afternoon (all things considered) but that all came crashing down with the latest news about Brum and it's new lockdown restrictions. I know there are much bigger things in the world to be upset about, and rationally I know that staying in and all that will help with the spread of the virus, but it's all just weighing down on me now. It's my birthday next Saturday, and now I can't have my Mom visit for dinner or my 2 mates over. I was already sad enough about not being able to properly celebrate my birthday, but now, as the rules are so confusing, I'm not even sure if I can see my Mom and friends at all. I really wanted some Ma time for my birthday; she lives with my sister and has been working this whole time so I've only seen her once or twice this whole lockdown from a distance on my drive...

I know it seems pathetic for an almost 35 year old woman to be brought to tears over possibly not seeing people on her birthday, but I'd been looking forward to it so much during this sh*t sandwich of a year, and my brain is basically mush right now from a lack of social contact... Also, I love birthdays. Not just my own, either; I love thinking about the type of gifts or surprises that'll make my friends and family happy. Picking out and giving gifts is almost as fun and satisfying to me as getting them. I love celebrating with drinks with friends, dinner with family... UGH. It's just hard, you know?