I am a Shell

I overslept this morning. This is most unlike me. I'm usually awake by 6am and desperate to do something. But it was getting close to 9am and I wasn't up.

The first call of the day wasn't good news and Covid related. I'm tired of all the suffering that is related to it. I'm not an expert on epidemiology but I could argue that I know a thing or two about human behaviour. The reality is that I know only a few people that have caught this disease but dozens who are suffering because of the political responses to it. People's who's livelihoods are threatened, sadness though lack of social connections and general mental malaise.  I've got to say I've been generally ok. I'm quite happy inside my own head most of the time. I feel a greater closeness to Rosemary through spending more time with her too. 

The main downside is that I'm doing everything I can to avoid being around people wearing masks. The human face is an amazing thing, which allows us to read emotions and to socially interact. Covering it makes me feed incredibly uncomfortable and somehow less human. I can see their benefits and the importance of complying with proportionate laws to minimise harms and risks to others. But without a clear exit strategy, I'm becoming very tired of it all. 

The current lack of clarity, regionalisation and reactionary responses by the Westminster government shows a complete lack of appreciation of how humans think and behave. Additionally, the whole planet is being affected by a neoliberal agenda that is killing far more living things, including humans, than COVID will. Yet governments fail to take action. It's absolutely hypocritical. 

There is no-one who truly understands how to respond to a global pandemic. I have a deeper self-awareness than most, a good understanding of both human behaviour and the complex social systems we live in. But I'm at a loss of what to think right now. As a society, we've lost sight of 'the common weel'. If we act for the benefit of others rather than personal enrichment, I strongly believe we'll all be happier for it. It's about considering how our actions affect others around us and the planet we live in.

Lockdown has made me more aware of the planet. This shell was plucked of Wardie Beach. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the hermit crab in it until I took it out my jacket pocket a few days too late. I was sad that it had died, maybe because of me. But on the same morning, I had seen hospital waste, little bits of plastic and people's rubbish from their previous evening on the beach.

So I'm sad today. I don't feel positive, have slightly lacked motivation and focus. But none of us can be on top form every day. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to be frustrated. It's ok to have a shit day. But having studied Buddhism, the most important thing I learnt about is that nothing is permanent. Most of our inner thoughts are perceptions that do not wholly reflect reality. That means that they're impermanent and can usually be changed with effort.   

Tomorrow, I'm going to make the effort to be happier and more focused. I can't necessarily change the world to be the place I want it to be, but I can make a difference.