Only the sheep to greet me
I arrived at the churchyard in Danby with just about enough light to see by, fortunately and amazing as it seems, the cloud cover was lighter than it had been on my journey from home (it changed around Stokesley). I was so pleased that I’d managed to get to the churchyard before the cottage and to say Happy Birthday to Ann - I was a bit too choked up to sing and anyway I don’t possess Ann’s lovely alto voice. A long time ago, soon after we met, we were sitting in the Chapter House of a monastery (maybe Roche Abbey, maybe in Scotland) and she sang to me one of her Orthodox hymns which sounded so beautiful in that setting. I think it's when I really fell in love with her.
I’ve felt alright being back here in this bedroom and even though the shadows remain of that horrendous night somehow it's felt ok. I’ve been well supported by friends and family. Pam was here to greet me (and to help deal with the overflowing waste pipe that flooded through to downstairs - not too horrendously but enough to create a big puddle) - welcome back :-). Friends who now live in Spain got in touch by video link on messenger (they didn’t know I was here) and I had a lovely chat with them - why didn’t we do this before? Followed a bit later in the evening with a long chat with a friend who also lost her partner about five years ago which I think was supportive for both of us. Maybe we need someone else who is bereaved to be able to talk about our history and love or maybe there are only some people we can share with.