The virtue of listening

Another very interesting lecture...this time on “motivational interviewing”.

The idea is that if you’re trying to help someone change - rather than simply telling someone what to do - the change will be more durable if the decision comes from the person themself.
For example, if a GP wants to help someone quit smoking - they could frighten them into action with statistics of cancer incidence and mortality; which might work for a while. But this still wouldn’t address the patient’s underlying self-doubt, or pressure to give in at the height of a stressful day.
But if the GP listened - and was able to elicit the patient’s own reasons for wanting to change (perhaps the health of their children), and could strengthen and encourage those personal motivations - how much more empowering would that be? And if they listened openly, without judgement, to the patient’s fears of relapse and failure - then they could reassure them that relapse is an almost universal part of the journey, to be equated with learning and not with failure.

The other part to it is meeting people where they are at, in regard to the “stages of change”. What point is there in setting a date for quitting, if the patient sees no issue with smoking? And what point is there of scare tactics, if the person is already desperate to change but just doesn’t now how?

It’s funny, every time I listen to a lecture about behaviour change, it makes me think of how we share our faith in Jesus with people.

I remember hearing this quote:

“If I have only an hour with someone, I will spend the first 55 minutes asking questions and finding out what is troubling their heart and mind, and then in the last 5 minutes I will share something of the truth.”

( - Francis Schaeffer, who was “terribly distressed when people would come to his home at the point of giving up their faith, because no one in their church would take their questions seriously”).

Often Jesus Himself, when asked a question, would answer with a question. I could give the most profound and convincing speech on the Gospel - but if I’ve simply told someone what to do, and it hasn’t come from them - will the decision last?

“The task of evangelism looks different if we think in this transformed way. Rather than trying to learn all of the right words, have all of the right booklets, anticipate all of the right questions, and memorize all of the right intros and Scripture, we should approach evangelism with wisdom and compassion. This means that we become people who incarnate the gospel and speak of it freely because our hearts and minds have been captivated by it.”
(Questioning Evangelism by Randy Newman - who was raised Jewish, with an understanding of the rabbinical outlook on evangelism. But only came to realise its importance when he spoke with a young man who responded to his eloquent explanations of the Gospel with the question, “What do you mean when you say ‘God’?”).

But if we empower people with the freedom God gave them to seek Him, perhaps by asking their own questions, the very ones that trouble them most - then maybe we can be there to meet people where they are truly at. Rather than simply assuming the issues that they have. One person may struggle with the hypocrisy they’ve witnessed in those that claim to follow Jesus. Another may desperately want to follow Him, but fears they are too far-gone a failure.

Lord thank you that you are not afraid of doubts and questions. That you want us to come to you as our most real and honest selves, even with fears and worries included.
That you meet us where we are, which is always very needy, and do not condemn us.
That you do not force us to believe the truth, but you love to speak with us, and listen to us. The greatest, wisest God and King - and get no question is too small or stupid for you to answer.