Actually feeling too tired to write @ this hour...
Well, actually it seems too late to write this journal now. Too much extra time was spend in overcoming technical problems in develloping and preparing the uploading of my Sunday picture. You won’t like to hear about all these stupid details. But it started with this good idea: to use my Panasonic-Lumix again. Forgetting that I would be confronted with a new set of difficulties. The Lumix-Memorycard does not function on this laptop. Were I write my journal. So, tomorrow I need to rework my develloping and uploading procedures.
Then of course, at this late hour I felt unsatisfied, tired, almost giving up to write this note.
But I remembered Amanda Gorman’s line: „That even as we tired, we tried”
Why wouldn’t I be brave enough to see and BE the light and just try even as I am tired. Because daring to Be the inner light of spiritual love will give you the support and upstream energies from a hidden source, that springwell underneath the oppressive burden of Guilt and Failure. So, it is not and should not be a matter of discipline and duty to overcome your resistance to write a few paragraphs. But you have a miraculous chance to discover a way of liberating selfrealization.
To realize this spontaneous pleasure in transforming my damned old impossibilities to gratefully be present in this very moment blows away this lousy I really don’t feel like it. If you fligh into excuses and resignation, you rob yourself of this heavenly opportunity not to reinforce your fear of living. But to live your life in an open and creative way, such as we are all intended to realize our selves towards a higher and more complete form.
Let me stay humble and not pretend to have an effective recipe for overcoming writers-fatigue or bloc. But really after visiting my DearestLove and St Michaels this afternoon, I kept thinking about the transformation of loss. How can the greatest loss of my life be experienced in a liberating way? There is no direct answer to this existental question. But reading this journal could mean, that you see me involved in this ongoing process, struggling, praying and trying to find passages, throughways through my own impossibilities.