Bigger Underwear

Today was bittersweet. I had to go up a size in underwear. I've put all my size small thongs in the attic and purchased 5 pairs of medium in a practical nude color. I've only purchased 5 because I'm afraid it won't be long before I need a size Large. My normally fruitful hunt for summer frocks that make me look cute and sexy turned out to be a big waste of time. This unfortunate change was brought about by a 9 week fetus has taken over my body and mind not unlike a parasite. So for all my blip readers here's the announcement: I'm pregnant. Please don't Hip-Hip Hooray like my mom and sister, it's not that pleasant. If I had been warned about the unpleasantries that accompany this condition I would have probably seriously reconsidered. So far, with the quick onset of symptoms it's been miserable.

For almost a month now I have been extremely fatigued to the point where some days I was able to sleep almost the entire night, take two 4 hour naps during the day and then sleep soundly through the next night. Only waking to eat and pee. Then came the horrible indigestion which includes heartburn, constant nausea, burping, gas pains that brought tears to my eyes and irregular BMs. Then there is the ever-present flatulence. I've actually welcomed it because it relieves the gas pain. I've even encouraged it by walking to express it. The strange thing is that I only feel good while I'm actually in the process of eating, the pain and nausea seems to subside temporarily only to return 20 minutes after I'm finished eating.

So I've wasted about 4 weeks straight on my couch. Now I can't even recognize myself. I never thought my waist and hips could balloon so quickly. My once 6 pack abs are hidden by a puffy white layer that resembles the belly of the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. I am already ready for the "Mommy Makeovers" that everyone scoffs at. The varicose veins I inherited from Nana look like a road map on the backs of my once beautiful legs. My belly is muffin-topping over my jeans.

I have a lot of guilt about throwing those 4 weeks of my life away accomplishing nothing succumbing to "morning sickness". Throw that onto the pile of all the other emotions that accompany pregnancy i.e. anxiety, fear, feelings of inadequacy. Tears flow easy without rhyme or reason, another symptom. My family and I are no strangers to mental illness but, I have been very functional and happy for the past few years. The emotional highs and lows I'm experiencing now are definitely a challenge to me though.

Well, at the strong encouragement of my husband and my doctor I ran today for 20 minutes. It's been over a month since I really exerted myself. It felt very good. Until now, I had been afraid to run because of my previous loss. Now I feel if I don't get some really good exercise throughout the next 7 months the baby might make it but I won't. It's always been an essential for my emotional well being and I need to restart my routines.

For any of you considering purchasing the pregnancy books in hopes of finding a cure for the morning sickness don't waste your money. I think I've gone through 20 books and tried everything to no avail. You are S.O.L. And for those of you that have already gone through this... WHY didn't anyone of you ladies warn me about the misery of pregnancy? You all just smiled and acted like it was the happiest time of your life. Was it just an attempt to sucker the rest of us into the trap?

I'm sorry hubby I know this is T.M.I. I love you.