Stop trying

*inhales*
*exhales*


Let me begin by telling you how my morning started and then we shall see where this absolute roller coaster takes us.

- period leak in pj pants
- cat piss on my planned outfit of the day
- flat tyre
- toddler refuses food that they asked for
- no coffee

This was all before 9am AND I was already late.
If it wasn’t for a very important meeting I would have put today in the bin and gone back to bed.

Oh
And
Also

It was raining, because why the f*** wouldn’t it be?!

It was an absolute struggle, I just about tumbled into the office and had an instant coffee (ugh), most colleagues already knew about the flat tyre because .. late!

However. Hold onto your sandwiches.

There they were, the dream team of colleagues. AND we went and got (decent) coffee, a long black for the big boss and a hot chocolate for the non-coffee drinking boss boss (three tiers of bosses, don’t worry, you’ll catch up). THEN. BUT. ALSO. OK.

We got caramel slice. Not just any caramel slice. We got an absolute bomb diggity caramel slice. The kind where the ratio is absolutely perfect, thin layer of decadent smooth choccy on top, slightly thicker layer of moist yet crumbly biscuit base with a hint of coconut (oh stop it) and ……… (thank you dear friend for this one) the HERO of the dish…. The CARAMEL. Not just any caramel, this caramel sent you to another planet. I took a bite and closed my eyes. I could feel the happiness bubbling away inside, joy was dancing across my tongue like tiny raindrops during a sun shower in an English countryside garden. Nothing could take this moment away.

If there is one thing that resolves all things, it is food. Food brings people together, it nourishes the body, the mind AND the soul, food is a necessity and a pleasure. Food is limitless and eternal. Food is beautiful. I love food.

Ok. Reset.
It was a beautiful moment. I’m glad my dear friend got to experience it too.
Back to work.

Whizzing, whirring, shunting, grunting, squealing, wheeling and zooming about.

I had two things to do, I wanted to complete them so badly! But they are 95% complete, a third thing was added into the mix and it’s not even 50% complete but it’s in a good place for now. This would normally drive me wild. I was so desperate for a quick win today and I wasn’t going to get one. I thought i would be upset, I thought I would feel disappointed… but I don’t.

I came home, grabbed the kids, cooked dinner, showered with the toddler, tidied up and got her to bed then the large child couldn’t get to sleep so I took him through some meditation.
Sounds like a lot. It was. But. A thing happened.
I found myself reassuring the large child that instead of trying to get to sleep, he should just stop trying. It went a little something like this…

“Some days it’s easy to get to sleep, you put your head down and zap! You’re asleep. But some days, you can’t get to sleep no matter how hard you try, but heres the thing, the more you try to sleep, the more you focus on it and become stressed and frustrated and that keeps you awake even longer. Instead, just rest, take some deep breaths and make sure your blood and muscles get lots of good oxygen, shut your eyes and just give them a break from being open. Don’t worry about sleeping, it will happen eventually, just rest instead and if you need to wiggle your legs, wiggle them, there aren’t any rules. I’m going to lay down and rest in my bed too, so how about we think of each other getting the rest that we need and be happy that we get to rest and let our bodies and brains recover.”

I was impressed with myself. I thought that was pretty good. Then I realised I wasn’t just teaching him something, I was teaching me something too.

I wanted to get to work on time but that wasn’t going to happen, I wanted to complete the things but I ran out of time. Rather than getting upset, I accepted what I couldn’t change and was grateful for my achievements of the day when it seemed the universe was against me.
My day got better when I stopped trying so hard. But also, friends and…. Caramel slice. Yum.