Sports day

This is the first sports day I have missed . Ever. I was gutted.  But a few of the parents took photos and videos for me and I was so thankful.  And then my babies came straight from school to show me their winning stickers. 

I had a few visits today from my neighbour friends . Lovely to see them. 

I have been getting doped up to the eyeballs on meds which have helped dull my pain. They would knock a elephant over. 

I have cried and vented my frustrations to friends and Mr R.  

My surgeon popped in a couple of hours ago and told me it was bad news. Edinburgh don't want to operate and she doesn't understand why as it would fix my back and it's progressively gotten worse over the last 10 months. She has told me to use my private health care when I leave here. She didn't know what to say to me except if she could do it she would. But she was shocked at their decision.  I'm pissed off and sad. 

And she said I wouldn't be on as strong of medication if it wasn't bad. So my meds today have been 


Ketamine 5 times. Oxy codeine liquid every hour, Oxy codeine tablets twice, and paracetamol.  And all that and I'm still sore. Wtf. I feel so fecking deflated and frustrated by their decision.  So is a couple of the nurses that have popped into my room to see me . How lovely to receive their support and from my wonderful blip friends and family.  I appreciate you all. 


You can see my lunch today was delicious