The Swine (a story about a landlord)

We officially moved in to our new flat today (where I spent the first hour and a bit cleaning the manky fridge and chancing upon these packs of bacon (which you can't buy out here at all) in the freezer compartment), and it is fantastic.

No longer will we come home to a stinking cesspit of a building (run by the laziest, stupidest bawab in Maadi) where our tiny ground floor flat saw no daylight and more than its fair share of dead cockroaches. We've been very accommodating with our landlord as he tries to get someone else to rent the flat: we've kept it meticulously tidy, hidden the cockroach problem and made ourselves regularly available for viewings. After originally saying that he completely understood why we wanted to move and that he would even refund our deposit if he found new tenants quickly, he has now decided that not only will he keep the deposit after all, but he would also like to charge a penalty as per our contract.

Here's what the contract says:

In the event that the Lessee wishes to terminate the lease; the Lessee shall give the Lessor a written notice at least one month prior to ending the lease; in this case the Lessee shall be penalised to pay the value of one month rent and shall not refund the deposit money.

Now, to me that reads that once the notice has been given, the rent will be paid for the duration of the notice and the deposit will not be refunded. What the landlord reckons is that we owe an extra month's rent on top of this. I can kind of see how the wording might suggest that, but it's hardly clear. If you're going to hire a chump to write your contracts, you'd better make sure they know how to use a semi-colon properly, don't you think? I'd be very interested in how the blip community interprets the clause (especially grammar queen myaimistrue).

It's a shame that our multi-property owning millionaire (so we were told) landlord saw fit to spoil our afternoon with this nonsense. In the end I don't think it matters whether you are dealing with an educated businessman or an illiterate taxi-driver: so long as they are Egyptian, they'll be after as much of your money as they think they can get away with; honesty, integrity and fairness taking a back-seat whilst they do so.

It really shouldn't come as a surprise to us anymore. If our experiences here over the last two months were a letter, it would read like this:

Dear David and Larissa,

Fuck you.

Love from Egypt.

p.s. That'll be a hundred pounds please.