A minute longer

My mind is restless and very troubled. I get up before the crack of dawn, make some porridge even though the weather's been gloriously hot this week. The oats are soothing.

Reuben has a psychologist coming to the school today to observe him in work and play at his early intervention programme at UCLA. When she did her individual assessment, he scored perfectly average in terms of expressive language taking into account his spoken and signed language. I acted as his interpreter for his signs since I'm his signing teacher, yet a novice myself. I say a novice, but I guess I could get away in a sort of Signglish language if I were among a group of deaf signing adults, fingerspelling to fill in the gaps in my vocabulary. I don't say this is great considering his 6 months of downtime in intensive care or after 11 surgeries. He is not defined by his disabilities. He is extraordinary in his own right, a man inside a child's body with a great loving, giving, gifted soul.

I'm drawn to holding a toddler class at home to teach neighbourhood families how to sign to their kids through sign and song. I love to sing and find myself repeatedly making up songs in sign or signing my favourite rock music in sign. Yet why should I feel troubled right now when I think of how Callum and Reuben, 1 and 2, get the groove and break into dance when I start to sing or the music flows out from the radio. Signing promotes early brain development. Signing is a gateway to a toddler's mind, what they're thinking: I understand now through sign whether my 15 month old Callum wants a cookie or apple juice, needs a diaper change or is watching Mama on the potty. And when he signs "no, no, no" back at me, joining Reuben in the banter, my heart fills with such overwhelming love and unbridled joy at what we can do together.

I'm looking out of the kitchen window through the insect screen thus the seeming grain, and this is what I see this morning. A minute longer, the scene will have changed. The Stereophonics track runs through my head. It's not a great shot, but reminds me of a great: my favourite picture of the boys taken on my birthday in November.
yet taken at opposing ends of the day.