I was feeling a bit down most of today. I knew there would be days like that so I was philosophical about it. I woke late and did my chores and grabbed a piece of toast and no coffee before Jane arrived to look at a nearby house. I liked the house except... it has a huge deck that is in bad condition. They painted over the boards but there were places where you could see holes and with a bit of probing, feel spongy wood. I didn't do any more damage but I could see the whole deck system needed to be replaced. Even if they would cut the price, I don't want to take on a house with problems. 

We have now looked at almost every house in my price range and the news is not good. I think part of the reason I'm looking is not that I want to move but that I am having trouble facing the clutter where I am now living. I really don't want to go through a move. And honestly, I don't really want to have somebody rent downstairs, even Sue who is a good friend. Right now the pen sales are helping me have time to decide what to do.

I spent much of the rest of my day alone working on boxing pens to send to the folks who are selling them for me. It is something I want and need to do but seeing the pens and the database Arvin built as he collected them is a bitter sweet endeavor. I enjoyed collecting the pens with Arvin and those memories were good. But I don't really have the same connection to them that he did. So I am okay with selling them. Reliving the memories makes me more aware of the hole where Arvin used to be in my life. I miss the old dude, as he was before Alzheimer's took its tole. But there is no way he could have been in my life as he was because of that disease. And he was smart and saved all of us much pain by taking an early exit. So I am still glad but now also sad.

I went to the second concert of the Bellingham Festival of Music this evening. The Calidore Quartet played and they are amazing. One of them grew up in Bellingham and happens to be the son of the president of the Festival board of directors. There are three men and one woman in the quartet and they are so fine. They mesh perfectly and all four are excellent players. They have the technique and skill down. And they mesh emotionally too. The last quartet they played was the Dvorak American and it is one of my favorites. They did a masterful job on it and the other two as well.

My friend Pat invited me to dinner before the concert and we went to the concert together. The photo is Pat's living room. Pat is a painter and a collector of art. Her taste is impeccable and she is an elegant lady. Her elegance infuses the space where she lives. It is beautiful. My spirit infuses my space too and it is quite different. Truthfully I don't mind being as complex as I am, and that I have many interests that compete for space in my house. I just get tired of all the visual noise at times. It seems unorganized and random. Sometimes I am too but usually not.

Time to go to bed. I think I am beginning to babble. Goodnight all.

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