Little green book...

Having a bit of a clear out last week I stumbled across my bag of diaries.  I explain a bit about them HERE.

As I say in that blip, I haven't kept a written diary since I started blipping nine years ago.  I just haven't felt the need.  But, the strange thing is, since we began Lockdown, I have been unable to ignore the strong compulsion to write things down, so every night when I go to bed, I spend around half an hour getting my thoughts down on paper.

For some reason I feel the need to record the day's horrible news.  The number of Uk Covid-19 cases that day, the estimated total of people infected, the number of people who have sadly lost their lives and so on.

Of course every day there are headlines that almost beggar belief that I also record, yesterday's being the stupidity of Scotland's CMO  flouting her own advice and today's shocking news of Boris Johnson being moved to intensive care (BTW I may disagree entirely with his political views, but I would never wish him ill.) 

I've no idea why I have this compulsion to write it all down rather than record it here, although I do recognise there is something therapeutic about holding a pen in my hand and feeling it scribbling furiously across the page.  There's no doubt I definitely feel better for writing it down and getting it all out of my system. rather than typing.

Anyway, to get back to the little green book (sorry I digressed slightly there! Didn't actually mean to write any of that! lol)  This tiny little  journal covered in tatty green velvet, was at the top of the pile of diaries in the bag, so I scooped it out and set it aside for bedtime reading.

Comfy in bed, I opened up the first page, keen to find out what part of my life this unassuming little notebook covered, to discover it contained a record of all that was happening in my life (well all that I felt compelled to record :-) from 6th January 1985 to 29th March 1985 ( I almost passed out when I did the math and realised that is 35 years ago!!)  

Now, to put those three months in 1985 into context, I was 17 years old and looking forward to turning 18 on 21st January.  I was still in touch with my circle of friends from school even though we were all a bit more scattered, some of us having started jobs and some gone to uni.  My best friend then (and still today) was Agnes, who was dating (and is now married to) David's best friend Adrian.  David and I had gone out together for 6 months from Jan - June 1984 till he dumped me (can you believe that?!!! :-o) but we had remained friends.

And so as I read my teenage handwriting, in the blink of an eye I slid down a worm hole, back to a time of anticipation of turning 18 (I actually say "I can't believe I am going to be 18!"  Ha!  Try being 53 love! :-) Duran Duran videos, 80s television, books (I was reading Wuthering Heights) babysitting my young cousins, taping the charts off the radio, sneaking into pubs, going out for drives in the cars of whichever one of the gang had most recently passed their driving test, and friend's house parties on Saturday nights.

But the absolute joy of reading it was getting to witness the re-birth of my relationship with David as boyfriend and girlfriend (we got back together again on my 18th birthday) the awkwardness, the tenderness, the hilarity (OMG so much of it is hilarious!) as we stumbled our way through those first three months (we must have done something right as here we are, still together 35 years later!  lol)

And in amongst all of that, are the bittersweet memories of all those I love and hold dear, who are no longer with me.  My mum, my gran, my grandpa, David's mum, aunts and uncles...mentioned so casually...blethered to gran, went shopping with mum, made grandpa some lunch.  So taken for granted.  Never thinking for one moment that a chunk of my life would be spent in a world without them.  Well you don't think of that at 18 do you?  Thank goodness.  

So many little memories recorded that there would be no hope of remembering otherwise (hahaha...one involving my grandpa.  I had a little Yorkshire terrier called Marmalade and I wrote this "Marmalade did a poo on the carpet.  My grandpa mistook it for a piece of coal, picked it up with his bare hand and threw it on the fire!" 

As soon as I those words I remembered it instantly.  My gran realising what he'd been holding just as it left his hand and shouting NOOOOOO!  My grandpa's split second confusion before realising himself and uttering the immortal word SHIT as the shit literally hit the flames.  Marmalade innocently sitting on the floor looking up at us, and me absolutely helpless with laughter!   As I was once again.

I read it all from cover to cover before putting the light out and falling asleep. 

I woke up the next morning with a very odd feeling that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  As I became more alert and the reality of our current situation crept up on me again (as it does every morning at the moment) I realised what I was feeling was utter confusion.  

I had woken up in the body of a 53 year old woman, to a world in lockdown, a deadly virus sweeping its way across the globe, when what I expected to wake up to was a 26 inch waist, a late breakfast of rice crispies whilst watching Saturday Superstore, reading my Just 17 magazine, an afternoon with Agnes deciding what to wear that evening before David and Adrian arrived in David's mum's mini and us all squashing in and heading over to the Clachan at Fintry, with cider and babychams for the girls, a beer for Adrian, a coke for David, and a chinese takeaway on way home.

Ah simple times.

I look forward to reading the next instalment, and when I get through them all I will still be left with the dilemma of what to do with them, as the thought of anyone else reading them once I am gone still makes me cringe!

Thoughts welcome!  :-)))

PS And if you've read to the end of this, give yourself a massive pat on the back!  

PPS Pic in extras taken during those three months.  Yes, when David had hair!  :-)) I'll put the exact date in tomorrow :D   Edited to add the photo in extras was taken on 2nd March 1985.