New reality day 142

It's been weary day.

My mum called around noon. I was expecting her to call late afternoon. She was crying so much that she couldn't say anything for a while. Longest seconds of my life so far. I was thinking that she's gonna say that he's died on the table, but  thank goodness no, the surgeon had called (they were able to start earlier) and the procedure had went "as expected". Exact quote.

They weren't able to fix the flap. so they had to put in the transplant. Unfortunately the heart had already grown bigger the other ventricle so he might not ever return to normal sinus rhythm. That sounds bad. I don't know if medicine can help with that but it couldn't anymore without the surgery.

They will keep him in anesthetized until tomorrow morning. The plan was to wake him up this evening. So I'm still just in the waiting mode. Just waiting to hear him to wake up.

It's amazing I got this much information over the phone conversation which was pretty much my mum and I crying.

I was holding up pretty good until the phone call. After that it's been very emotional and I've burst into crying all day long. I'm glad I took this day off. It's been easier to do stuff at home than at work.

I epoxied one tabletop that I had painted few weeks back. I trimmed the dogs paws and ears. Wrapped some Christmas presents (the last ones) and watched few Veronica Mars' to take a break from all these emotions.


I still feel like I have done nothing and this day has been a year long. It's like I've stopped living for a while. Like I'm under water and just waiting to come to the surface so I can breath again.