By Ingleman


My brain hurts, trying to work out the female mind. I have lots of female friends, real and virtual. But I only live with one. So my sphere of influence, my realm of knowledge on the subject is very limited. But by jiminy I am baffled beyond any hope of assistance sometimes...
A case in point.... Weekend away, very chilled. Visit with daughter Ell and friend, very chilled. Meet friends Jim and Margaret this morning, for coffee. Very chilled. Out with Hollie dog for a fabulous run and swim in the river. Very, very chilled. All is sweetness and light. How long can it last? Not long, apparently.
We agree on an Indian takeaway, and a very nice bottle of White Zinfandel. Delicious food and drink. The evening is looking very promising,.... Too good to be true.
Whilst dishing out the takeaway Mrs I contrived to underarm a whole spoonful of rice all over me. No problem, whilst I am picking rice out of my mustache and lustrous hippy locks (??) Mrs I is having alternating slurps of wine and uncontrollable fits of giggles.
I really, genuinely don't mind. I mean, it's something different, and if she's happy then the whole world is happy, right?
Then, the denouement. Admittedly, I have had some Zinfandel as well. My first forkful of Chicken Masalla misses the cavity known as my mouth, richochets off the tombstones known as my teeth and without further ado avalanches beautifully down my front, lodging in all the crevices and creases of my rugby shirt. Joining in with the general spirit of merriment I gurgle gleefully and make an inappropriate comment. Bad move, Mrs I is livid, accuses me of being slovenly, and doesn't respond well when I suggest that there are double standards at play. It's OK for her to chuck my dinner all over me. Oh, yes, that's f#@&ing hilarious. But when I do it, oh no, that is Third World War on a plate. Or in this case, in my lap. 
Bad end to the evening, but it will be OK. As I always say, never go to bed on an argument. Stay  up and fight.

The blip is from the walk in pastoral, wonderful, peaceful Llanidloes. Near the river. I was briefly, so very briefly, in a happy place. It reminded me of a Ken Dodd joke. When his wife asked him if he would like to see her in something long and flowing...... 

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