Three cakes near Lancaster, Lancashire

Or as The Zutons once might have sang “Why dontcha come on over, calories….”

Today was an office day and this time I went armed and prepared with a dozen of Krispy Kreme’s finest. I could see the mouths starting to slather as I marched through the office with doughnuts aloft, my Rafiki to their Simba, steady chanting began, reaching a crescendo as the clouds parted and the sun backlit my offering to my beloved team. 

“I can’t eat those, I’m gluten-free.” 

It is an established fact that this phrase has only entered the lexicon in the last ten years and was first used to dodge some crap cooking. It has now been co-opted by my more extreme brothers and sisters of the left-leaning liberal elitists to prop up their agenda (written on recycled quinoa) which states that food should be rigid, unforgiving and under no circumstances contain anything fun. For shame, say I. For shame.

Fortunately, the remainder of my colleagues were happy to brave the minefield of intolerance and there was enough left to share with some neighbouring folks too. In a stunning display of political mastermindery, I made sure the boss got in on the action as well.

With the crumbs of a Chocolate Ice Glazed still falling from my lips, I turned on my heel to march out triumphantly, fist held aloft in solidarity with my revolutionary insurance comrades in arms, but was reminded that there was actually a day’s work to do.

I broke from work for a quick lunch where I was gifted a sandwich and a delicious Belgian bun, following a quick stroll along the river. The afternoon vanished in a haze and I was soon back at Project House to survey the day’s work and man alive, it is looking good. The decorator is doing a great job and the colour scheme really works!

I collapsed on the sofa at the end of the day, the final remaining doughnut in one hand, my script in the other as I worked on a decidedly ropey/borderline offensive German accent. 

With the calorific day finally drawing to a close I turned my attention to my little side project and finished the draft of the final episode ever.